Please note that I am not saying all of these dumb laws are still in effect (or even were). But they’re examples reported for various states in the U.S. and some international laws as well. Maybe they’ll make more sense to you than to me. Or perhaps you’ll also find them good for a laugh.

1. In Pennsylvania it’s illegal to have more than 16 women live in the same house — doing so makes it a brothel.

I wanted to kick things off with an example of a dumb law from my own home state. I’m not sure if the specifics reported are right, or if it’s still the case (as opposed to an old law). But I do remember the topic coming up periodically when I was in college. It was a concern for sororities where groups of “sisters” would share a sorority house.

[source]

2. In Sweden it’s claimed that it’s illegal to paint a house without a painting license from the government.

Well, if that’s the case I’m glad I don’t live in Sweden. I just painted my place this spring, and am planning to do some more paint touch-ups soon. While this sounds like a pretty stupid law, I could maybe understand it if it’s outdated and became law out of concerns over lead-based paint or something.

[source]

3. It’s reported that in San Antonio, Texas it’s illegal to use your eyes or hands while flirting.

Why not just ban flirting altogether? Outdated, still on the books — I don’t know. But this is one where I can’t even begin to understand the logic if it’s true… not even in a historical context. You?

[source]

4. Don’t send the kiddies trick-or-treating on Halloween in Virginia.

It’s reported that doing so is illegal. Again, I’m not sure if this is legit or current. But the idea doesn’t really surprise me. I know where I live Halloween trick-or-treating is very different than it was when I was a kid. They’ve put strict limits on the time kids can go out, and I seem to remember them deciding trick-or-treating should be a different day at some point — maybe if Halloween was on a school night. So no, if this is true, it wouldn’t really surprise me. Just for curiosity’s sake, have you seen changes in trick-or-treating since you were a kid too? Or do I just live in a dud of a town?

[source]

5. In Singapore, oral sex is illegal (unless it leads to the real deal).

Let’s be honest here. Sex laws can sometimes be the funniest. It’s usually a case of them being outdated, based in times when public opinion was quite different. And when it comes to international sex laws, I’m pretty “forgiving,” because I certainly don’t understand every culture out there. What sounds crazy to me might be perfectly normal there. But this one? I really hope it’s just a joke or at least off the books now. Oral sex is illegal, unless you use it as foreplay. Why do I suspect only a man could come up with that idea?

[source]

6. While we’re talking about Singapore, tourists take note: it’s also illegal to pee in an elevator.

Because apparently we need a reminder….

[source]

7. Way to go Fairbanks, Alaska! (They cleaned up filthy moose sex on city streets!)

This is one of those reported laws that’s so incredibly stupid I can’t help but hope it’s true (because that makes it all the funnier). As if animals give a moose’s behind what our laws say. If it works, maybe my local officials can write a law that would stop those damned birds from crapping on my car.

[source]

8. In Canada, it’s reported that it’s illegal for clear and non-dark sodas to be caffeinated.

Ironically, just this morning I was talking to someone about caffeinated beverages (yes, my life is so relevant to my work!). I never actually knew that Mountain Dew had caffeine (haven’t had it in years either). It was pointed out to me that it’s indeed one of the most caffeinated sodas here in the U.S. So when I saw this stupid law I immediately thought of Mountain Dew. And I just had to look it up — is Canadian Mountain Dew different from “real” Mountain Dew? And it seems that it is (or at least was)! I don’t understand why the law was created in the first place, but I found it to be one of the most interesting. Yes. I find soft drinks fascinating. Shut up.

[source]

9. In Washington State, it’s illegal to use x-ray machines to find the perfect shoe fit.

The hilarity of this dumb law is in its specificity. Sometimes when you read about stupid laws, they’re actually just taking general laws and twisting them to sound silly (like a ban on large animals such as big dogs on a beach being twisted to say you can’t take a polar bear to the beach). But this one isn’t one of those. The law specifically mentions shoe fittings, and you can see the actual text of the law in the source for this one. I could completely understand a law banning any non-medical use of x-ray equipment because of the radiation involved. But to specifically call out shoe fittings? What were they thinking? I just can’t imagine so many people in Washington State trying to do this that they felt it necessary to make it illegal.

[source]

10. In New Jersey, it’s illegal for a murderer to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing that crime.

Well, I guess if you can’t get him on the other charges….

[source]

Slang is defined as an informal nonstandard vocabulary composed typically of coinages, arbitrarily changed words, and extravagant, forced, or facetious figures of speech, according to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary.

In other words, slang can be “a dope spin on a sick word that deserves props for being mad fly, yo.”

And yet, in the age of Twitter and instant messaging, it feels like today’s slang has lost some of its flair. Most of it is boiled down to quick-hit acronyms and shortened terms. Totes (totally), TTYL (Talk to You Later), ridonk (ridiculous)—fun, sure, but while it’s clever to be the force behind “LOL” (laughing out loud), it’s an entirely different level to create a whole dialect ending with “-izzle.” (Thank you, Snoop Dogg.)

Coining original jargon that’s able to catch on with the masses is a feat not just accomplished through popular and hip-hop culture. There are a slew of phrases that have become so commonplace, it’s easy to forget that they’re inherently slang. Here’s a look at some of these words, new and old, that have had an impact on our vernacular.

Dude
So popular it hardly seems like slang, Merriam-Webster defines “dude” as a city dweller unfamiliar with life on the range, an Easterner in the West, and a fellow or guy—sometimes used informally as a term of address. This jargon dates back to the 1880s, according to an article in the New York Times. The article, itself dating back to 1900, states, “Considering the number of German immigrants into the United States, we naturally suspect it to have been suggested by some German dialect. It can hardly be other than an abbreviated form of duden-pop, a blockhead, a common term of depreciation in many parts.”

Bling-Bling
Initially, it was little more than a written sound effect that reflected a shine. But the term was later born out of the hip-hop culture to represent garish jewelry worn in the late 1990s. Members of the Louisiana-based Cash Money Millionaires, a group of rappers from the same label known as Cash Money Records, were among the first to use the phrase in their music. Rapper B.G. used “bling-bling” in a song title as did Lil’ Wayne in the song “Millionaire Dream.” Lil’ Wayne also recorded with Cash Money Records. Since its acceptance, the term has arguably peaked in popularity. I mean, when Mitt Romney starts using “bling-bling,” it reeks of overexposure.

Yo
The phrase was made popular as a sailor’s or huntsman’s call circa 1420, according to Dictionary.com. It gained popularity during World War II as a common response at roll calls. Today, however, it’s more likely you’ll hear it in the following examples: “Yo, what’s up for tonight?” or “Yo, just do your homework, yo!” Ah, the beauty of versatile slang.

Hipster
Currently referring to a lifestyle usually defined by skinny jeans, ironic T-shirts, and some sort of artsy or nomadic background, the term itself actually sprang out of the 1940s in reference to those into the jazz scene. Nowadays you’d likely find hipsters hanging out in coffee shops feigning aloofness (especially in places like the Mission District in San Francisco, Silver Lake, California, and/or Brooklyn), though it wouldn’t be so surprising to find them in a jazz club either, for the cool factor and all.

Gnarly
Sean Penn’s “Jeff Spicoli” said it best in the 1980s classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High, bringing the term originally stemming from the word “gnarl”—meaning contorted or twisted—from the confines of surfer culture into the mainstream of pop culture. Its slang version now refers to something that’s cool or lame, depending on the user’s preference. The online etymology dictionary dates “gnarl” back to 1814, stating that the 19th century romantic poets picked it up and brought it into currency.

Geek
Another popular term derived from German, the slang version refers to an enthusiast or expert, particularly in a technological field or activity, according to Merriam-Webster, but it has since expanded to everyone from your comic book aficionado to that over-informed music lover. It originated in 1914, deriving its etymology from the English dialect geek, geck (fool) and “geck,” from Middle Low German. Of course, seeking the origin of such a word is, in fact, pretty geeky in itself, which is why it had to make the list!

Phat
Back in the 1990s, this slang phrase was all the rage as a way to point out something or someone who was “pretty hot and tempting.” Its origin is not entirely clear, though the online etymology dictionary says the hip-hop acronym used to express “great” or “excellent” goes back to the late 1980s, initially meaning “sexiness in a woman.” The spelling is attested as far back as 1678, as an erroneous form of fat (a classical over-correction). While it’s fallen out of favor in the new millennium, you might find yourself hearing it thrown around these days for kitsch sake, like “rad” or “fly.”

Groovy
In its heyday, “groovy” was the word. If it was cool, it was groovy. If it was fun, it was groovy. If it was excellent, it was groovy. Its popularity soared during the 1960s, only to lose its groove by the 1980s. Merriam-Webster’s dates it back to the 1930s. Supposedly, it came out of the Jazz culture where the word was used to describe the groove of the music.

Cheesy
Yes, the base of the word itself is derived from everyone’s favorite dairy product (sans you lactose-intolerant kids), but it refers to something that’s trite, cliché, or of poor quality. Example: “That romantic comedy was so cheesy; I saw the ending coming a mile away.” Its etymology stems from the Urdu word chiz, meaning “a thing.” By 1818, the British in India picked it up and used it in the sense of “a big thing,” according to the Online Etymology Dictionary. By 1858, cheesy had evolved a slang meaning of “showy,” which led to the modern, ironic sense.

Schlock
It’s not just the hip-hop culture we tend to borrow from when it comes to our slang. There are lots of slang words that are little more than twists on Yiddish terms, and that includes schlock. Spelled “shlak” (meaning evil or nuisance) in American Yiddish, we have come to know it as meaning “of low quality.” Merriam-Webster dates it to 1916, but you’ll likely hear it these days when someone is referencing a B-movie or the latest by Quentin Tarantino, who actually strives to put schlock into his work for that cult classic effect.

Cracking into the cultural zeitgeist with the right slang word isn’t always easy, but when it hits, it can explode, as evidenced above. And if and when the sun finally sets on a favorite phrase, you can be sure there’s bound to be another “dawg” or “jiggy” right around the corner.

Professor Scott Galloway — founder of redenvelope.com — has a reputation for being a self-important “jackass” and appears to have adopted the phrase “get your shit together” as his personal carpe diem. He was also on the New York Times board of directors before resigning last week. He also has a little William Wallace in him.

Regardless, I’m quite impressed with his craftsmanship in taking this budding, entitled entrepreneur down a few notches. I emailed Galloway for comment, but he’s a little confused about “what email you’re referring to.” So I get the sense that he’s done this sort of thing before. According to one friend-of-a-friend of an NYU student who received the email, Galloway initiated the forwarding: “To give a little background, Scott Galloway is a professor at NYU Stern School of Business. He was also the founder of RedEnvelope.com. He teaches a Brand Management class at the school. Anyway, the student below sent him an e-mail to which Prof. Galloway responded. Galloway then proceeded to send it to his TA and instructed him to XXXX out the student’s name and then forward it to the rest of the class. The e-mail now appears to be making the rounds.”

Galloway has yet to confirm if he sent it to his TA who then forwarded it to his class. Either way, enjoy the BOOM BITCH-iness of this thing in its proper context. It has a very “Always Wear Sunscreen”-type appeal to it, if you choose to forget that Professor Galloway might be kind of a dick .

Sent: Tuesday, February 9, 2010 7:15:11 PM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: Brand Strategy Feedback

Prof. Galloway,

I would like to discuss a matter with you that bothered me. Yesterday evening I entered your 6pm Brand Strategy class approximately 1 hour late. As I entered the room, you quickly dismissed me, saying that I would need to leave and come back to the next class. After speaking with several students who are taking your class, they explained that you have a policy stating that students who arrive more than 15 minutes late will not be admitted to class.

As of yesterday evening, I was interested in three different Monday night classes that all occurred simultaneously. In order to decide which class to select, my plan for the evening was to sample all three and see which one I like most. Since I had never taken your class, I was unaware of your class policy. I was disappointed that you dismissed me from class considering (1) there is no way I could have been aware of your policy and (2) considering that it was the first day of evening classes and I arrived 1 hour late (not a few minutes), it was more probable that my tardiness was due to my desire to sample different classes rather than sheer complacency.

I have already registered for another class but I just wanted to be open and provide my opinion on the matter.

Regards,
xxxx

—
xxxx
MBA 2010 Candidate
NYU Stern School of Business
xxxx.nyu.edu
xxx-xxx-xxxx

The Reply:

—— Forwarded Message ——-
From: scott@stern.nyu.edu
To: “xxxx”
Sent: Tuesday, February 9, 2010 9:34:02 PM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: Re: Brand Strategy Feedback

xxxx:

Thanks for the feedback. I, too, would like to offer some feedback.

Just so I’ve got this straight…you started in one class, left 15-20 minutes into it (stood up, walked out mid-lecture), went to another class (walked in 20 minutes late), left that class (again, presumably, in the middle of the lecture), and then came to my class. At that point (walking in an hour late) I asked you to come to the next class which “bothered” you.

Correct?

You state that, having not taken my class, it would be impossible to know our policy of not allowing people to walk in an hour late. Most risk analysis offers that in the face of substantial uncertainty, you opt for the more conservative path or hedge your bet (e.g., do not show up an hour late until you know the professor has an explicit policy for tolerating disrespectful behavior, check with the TA before class, etc.). I hope the lottery winner that is your recently crowned Monday evening Professor is teaching Judgement and Decision Making or Critical Thinking.

In addition, your logic effectively means you cannot be held accountable for any code of conduct before taking a class. For the record, we also have no stated policy against bursting into show tunes in the middle of class, urinating on desks or taking that revolutionary hair removal system for a spin. However, xxxx, there is a baseline level of decorum (i.e., manners) that we expect of grown men and women who the admissions department have deemed tomorrow’s business leaders.

xxxx, let me be more serious for a moment. I do not know you, will not know you and have no real affinity or animosity for you. You are an anonymous student who is now regretting the send button on his laptop. It’s with this context I hope you register pause…REAL pause xxxx and take to heart what I am about to tell you:

xxxx, get your shit together.

Getting a good job, working long hours, keeping your skills relevant, navigating the politics of an organization, finding a live/work balance…these are all really hard, xxxx. In contrast, respecting institutions, having manners, demonstrating a level of humility…these are all (relatively) easy. Get the easy stuff right xxxx. In and of themselves they will not make you successful. However, not possessing them will hold you back and you will not achieve your potential which, by virtue of you being admitted to Stern, you must have in spades. It’s not too late xxxx…

Again, thanks for the feedback.

Professor Galloway

Here are some other popular myths concerning Twinkies:

•Twinkies aren’t baked. The sponge cake instead is made from a chemical reaction that causes a cake-like material to foam up. It is then colored dark brown at the bottom to give the appearance of being baked. (This is of course false. Twinkies are in fact baked and their primary ingredients are flour, sugar, and eggs.)
•Contain a chemical used in embalming fluid which helps account for some of their extreme longevity. (wrong again!)
•The Twinkie will last longer than the cellophane wrapper they’re wrapped in (nope, 25 days and then they get stale and go bad in a similar fashion to any other bread)
Here’s some actual true information about Twinkies. Twinkies were created in 1930 as ladyfinger-shaped spongecakes. They were first thought up by James A. Dewar, the vice president of Continental Bakeries who sold under the Hostess brand. Dewar sought to put the machines used to make cream filled strawberry shortcake to good use when strawberrys were out of season and the machines normally sat idle. So he got an idea to create a banana cream filled cake. That’s right. Originally, Twinkies were filled with banana cream, which I suppose explains why they chose to make them look as they do.

During World War II however, bananas became scarce. Hostess then decided to switch to vanilla cream. This ended up being much more popular than the banana filled version; so when bananas became readily available again, they chose not to switch back.

The name “Twinkie” was also thought up by James Dewar. On the way to a marketing meeting, he saw a billboard advertising “Twinkle-Toes Shoes”, and thought up the name “Twinkies”.

When Twinkies first came out, they not only were banana filled, but they also had an incredibly low shelf life. This was due primarily to the dairy products contained in Twinkies giving them only a two day shelf life on average. This obviously cut into the profit margins.

With the need for longer shelf life, they started substituting ingredients in the original recipe with artificial ingredients. Among those are cellulose gum, which gives Twinkie cream its smooth feel. Another place you can find this cellulose gum is in rocket fuel.

But that’s not the only fuel based ingredient in a Twinkie. The chemicals that make up the artificial butter flavor are themselves derived from petroleum.

Another interesting ingredient is corn dextrin. This gives Twinkies their sticky crust. Another place you can find this wonderful ingredient is in various glues; for instance, the glue that you find on the back of envelopes.

Interestingly though, of the 39 ingredients that make up a Twinkie, only one of them is strictly a preservative or rather its only purpose in being included is because it’s a preservative. Some of the other chemicals have preserving side effects, but their use is primarily as substitutes for the dairy ingredients. The lack of these dairy ingredients and the air tight plastic wrap are the primary reason that the Twinkie can last the 25 days on the shelves and can out last so many of its other baked brethren in that respect.

Despite their slightly unhealthy nature (150 calories each; with quite a dose of fat included), Hostess now churns out more than 1000 Twinkies per minute or about 500 million per year. The cakes are each baked for 12 minutes; injected with cream; flipped over so the round bottom is now the top; then packaged for shipping.

Bonus fun fact: According to Hostess, it takes about 45 seconds to explode a Twinkie in a standard powered microwave. Try this at home kids… Seriously, anybody want to try this and report back on the results?

If you don’t wait an hour after eating before you go into the water, you’ll get stomach cramps and drown.
False. The idea behind this is that when your blood rushes to your stomach to help you digest food, you wouldn’t have enough circulation to keep your arms and legs working properly. The tale likely gained popularity in the 1950s and 1960s, when kids enjoyed local pools and lakes with far less lifeguard supervision than we have now. As a result, parents conjured up a way to keep kids at bay after lunchtime while they got some rest in. But according to HowStuffWorks, we have plenty of blood to keep all of our other parts running just fine after a meal. Some competitive swimmers even eat something immediately before a big meet to give them the energy they need to perform well. Also, during exercise, our bodies produce adrenaline that actually helps deliver oxygen to the muscles that need it most.

Don’t sit too close to the television or you’ll go blind.
False. Though you might walk away with a serious headache, you won’t lose your sight sitting too close to the tube. You can suffer from eye fatigue, however, just as you might after reading under dim lighting. There’s also the faint possibility that you might develop photosensitive seizures from certain flashing images. (Think videogames, parents!) Let’s not forget the Pokemon incident of 1997, when several hundred kids in Japan suffered such seizures during one of the children’s cartoon episodes. Better to be safe than sorry, say experts, so sitting back at least four to five feet is recommended.

Don’t crack your knuckles or you’ll get arthritis.
False. This is one of those warnings you might wish was true, if only to stop people from doing it. But according to WebMD, there is no evidence that cracking your knuckles—caused when the bones are pulled apart to form a gas bubble and break the adhesive seal in the joint—inflames the joints and leads to arthritis. About a quarter of the people in the United States engage in knuckle-cracking, which can cause reduced grip strength or weaken the fingers. So while it doesn’t cause arthritis, it’s not the healthiest habit either.

Drinking coffee will stunt your growth.
False. I totally bought into this as a kid, but research shows that I can only blame genetics for my short stature. Caffeine had been considered an osteoporosis risk factor for years, but a New York Times article reports that the Creighton University study linking consumption to reduced bone mass was inaccurate; the study had been conducted on elderly people with low calcium diets in general. Yet another study conducted on eighty-one adolescents over a six-year period also failed to prove the theory. But before you give your child that mocha over an herbal tea, remember: caffeine is still a strong stimulant.

Don’t pee in the pool or it’ll turn red and expose your mess.
False, but urine in water can cause irritations like red, puffy eyes or an itchy throat or cough. When swimmers sweat or urinate in pool water, the bodily fluids combine with the chlorine and create chemical compounds known as chloramines, according to the CDC. So you might be able to relieve yourself without getting busted, but please … don’t.

It takes seven years for gum to leave your digestive system after you swallow it.
False. This urban legend’s roots are hard to pinpoint, but Snopes found that the “warning” likely stems from gum being labeled “indigestible.” It may not break down in the digestion process, but gum will definitely pass out of your system as quickly as everything else.

Don’t go outside with wet hair or you’ll get sick.
False. This is the kind of forewarning that will prevent you from being uncomfortable more than becoming ill. According to Dr. Rob Danoff of MSN’s Health and Fitness Web page, the only thing that can make us sick is exposure to a virus, plain and simple. The most common way to catch a cold is by inhaling airborne viral particles released by the cough or sneeze of an infected person. Danoff also suggests not touching your eyes, nose, or mouth with unwashed fingers that may have come into contact with a virus.

Eating sugar/candy/food before bed will give you nightmares.
True. It may have sounded like an excuse to rob us of dessert as children, but there is some truth to it. Studies have shown that going to bed on a full stomach can stimulate brain waves, which trigger nightmares. Epicurious.com cited another study which implied that unhealthy foods produce even scarier nightmares. And an article in the Journal of the Mind and Body focused on a ten-person study conducted in 2000, where people were fed ice cream, sandwiches, and candy bars thirty minutes before going to bed; seven of the participants had nightmares while sleeping. After the study, the nightmares dramatically subsided for four of the participants. Just goes to show you that mom wasn’t always feeding you baloney!

So, what have we learned? Most of those little nuggets of Mom-wisdom have been debunked, but that doesn’t mean they don’t offer any value to children. It may not remain in your system for seven years, but is swallowing gum really the best idea? And why does a kid need coffee in the first place? They’re embellishments, yes, but in the end, mom was just trying to do right by us.


By: Danielle Samaniego